Tug of War

I haven't posted for a while because I've been kindof sad lately. It's sort of silly but I was just released from Young Women's. I know it happens all the time but after being with these great kids for over 2 years I have grown so attached to them that I feel like I've lost something. I tell myself I will still be able to see them and keep in touch but I know also that after we move it will be harder to actually do that. I didn't realize that this would affect me this much. In fact, I didn't anticipate much emotion at all. I'm usually very unemotional, sometimes to a fault. So I have been very surprised that I am having a hard time letting go.

My mind tells me all the rational thoughts like : "There's too much on your plate right now." "Your family needs you." "You are falling behind at work." "There's a lot to do on the house" "The girls deserve someone that can commit more time." " You are moving!"

All of which are great arguments but don't make the transition any easier.

There are also selfish reasons that I'm not sure I want to admit to but, here they are... First of all, twice a week the goal and focus was to organizing and carry out a spiritual experience. Usually it was something that was fun and exciting and still taught great values. As an parent who makes time to do this once a month let alone twice a week? I certainly did not until it was required. I have never been more touched then during some of these gatherings, mostly by the girls teaching me. I am going to miss that immensely.

Another selfish reason is that Sundays, while I attended meetings, were designated Father-son time. I often had meetings or preparation all morning on Sundays. It was a time that Rob was solely responsible for everything to do with the kids. Our church has been at 1:00 for 2 years now so there was always feeding, bathing, napping and dressing in Sunday clothes to be done. There's something different about Daddy being in charge. I know Britton loved it. I would come home and they would both be dressed up in blanket capes and cowboy hats ready to fight the dragons in the bedroom. It is so cute. Not to say this doesn't happen at other times of the week but it was guaranteed on Sunday mornings. There is no calling a babysitter/grandma or no waiting for mom to do it. It was just boys being boys. It does seem to happen less and less lately with Rob out of town during the week and either working on the house or attending football games on Saturdays. I know building the house is only a one time thing and luckily football season will be over soon. I just feel that Sunday mornings keeps them connected to each other. Who knows, maybe it still will and I'll just get to witness more of it.